Believe it or not, writing humor comes easy for me. Whether you agree if it's "humor" or not is what will separate us from the rest. Now here's the thing about my humor: it's childish. Don't let the sophisticated slapstick trouble you, the humor is meant for all people of all intelligences. So why not write something all-ages? I know. Me? To write something without a shot or syringe? Well, here it is. Something light-hearted to carry your woes. Put that bottle down, pick up a smile. Here's the first of five issues to read with a youngin'. Here's "Handle With Care".
* * *
PAGE
1
PANEL:
A
full page of the intergalactic battle to end them all. History would
never understand the true sacrifices given that day. If history
survives,
that is. Battleships explode, giant robots shoot into crowds of
floating spacemen, who shoot back with missiles and lazers. Planets
explode in glorious fanfare and more towards the foreground, about
100 ft from the reader, is the edge of a spaceship where a battle is
taking place in the void of space. Gorgaxians (green lizard-like
aliens in robes that walk on tentacles) shoot at opposing alien races
who float and fire back towards them at great speed.
VO
BOX
And
the battle was fought for a millennia.
It
spanned galaxies, species, and time.
The
Gorgax race would never back down.
But
neither would the rest of the universe.
PAGE
2
PANEL:
A
spaceman (but in this case a woman) lands on the wing of the
spaceship with explosions coming from all sides. She does that cool
thing superheroes do where you land with one knee, one foot, and one
hand on the ground but don’t fall over. You can’t see her face
through the visor of her helmet, but the raygun she holds up is
distraction enough. Ahead of her are Gorgaxians wielding spears,
coming towards her.
VO
BOX
The
Gorgaxians had spread their evil tendrils around the throat of every
planet they came across and crushed the life from every world.
PANEL:
A
long shot of The Hero racing towards the horde of Gorgaxians at full
charge, firing her raygun wildly into the crowd, disintegrating their
heads with every shot.
VO
BOX
But
those that carried the burden of surviving also carried with them the
gift of resistance.
PANEL:
The
Hero ducks under a spear swung at her head, firing a hole into the
Gorgax’s stomach and hitting another Gorgax in the head with the
same shot behind him.
VO
BOX
Every
Pillion…
PANEL:
The
Hero jumps into the air, doing a summersault and firing her raygun
into the crowd.
VO
BOX
Every
Torrentiun…
PANEL:
A
spear sticks into The Hero’s helmet, effectively taking it off for
her as she’s still moving through space upside down and firing into
the crowd. This reveals The Hero as a gorgeous woman with long,
brown hair. Her makeup is unfazed by the war.
VO
BOX
Every
Human…
fought against the Gorgax plague.
PANEL:
The
Hero finishes her summersault over the crowd of Gorgaxians by landing
one foot on the face of one more Gorgax soldier.
THE
HERO
Hup!
PAGE
3
PANEL:
The
Hero jumps up to the top of the spaceship, where the Gorgax leader
stands on a podium, watching the war unfold with his back to The
Hero.
THE
HERO
Ha!
PANEL:
The
Hero smiles with furrowed brows.
THE
HERO
Villicur!
PANEL:
Villicur,
the Gorgax leader, turns around with a sneerful smile.
VILLICUR
Ah…
The
Human pest is back to die a second time!
PANEL:
The
Hero steps closer to Villicur, putting her raygun in its holster.
THE
HERO
I
was brought back to life with the help of the TyQuillan tribe! And
although they may not be with me this day, I won’t need
their help!
PANEL:
With
The Hero standing before Villicur, we see her reaching into a satchel
attached to her belt behind her back.
THE
HERO
This
time I won’t let you cheat…
VILLICUR
(Did
not.)
THE
HERO
… for
I have with me…
PANEL:
From
Villicur’s perspective, The Hero whips out a retro-future-looking
gun, very aged, and points it with a smirk right at the reader.
THE
HERO
The
Atomizer of Earth!
PANEL:
Villicur
shudders with anger and fear.
VILLICUR
Ack!
The ultimate weapon! But how—?!
PAGE
4
PANEL:
Another
shot of The Hero holding the Atomizer towards Villicur.
THE
HERO
I’d
tell you, but you won’t be alive to remember the tale!
PANEL:
The
Hero fires a hail of green lightning from the Atomizer at Villicur,
who flinches at the shot.
THE
HERO
You
Dumb-head!
VILLICUR
Hey
I’m tell—
PANEL:
A
long shot of the ship they’re on. A large explosion of fire and
green lightning erupts from the back half of the ship.
PAGE
5
PANEL:
Smoke
rises in a large sheet from where Villicur was standing.
PANEL:
The
Hero watches with anticipation and a bead of sweat down her cheek.
THE
HERO
…
PANEL:
Another
silent panel of smoke rising from the podium.
PANEL:
Smoke
still rises from the podium, but laughter comes from within.
VILLICUR
HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
PANEL:
The
smoke begins to clear and Villicur is in a pink bubble, unscathed.
The Hero has her hands out in front of her in disbelief.
THE
HERO
What?!
VILLICUR
Not
even the ultimate weapon can stand up to…
… MY
FORCE FIELD!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
PANEL:
Another
shot of The Hero and Villicur arguing.
THE
HERO
Duuuuude!
I
knew
you’d do it again! You’re such a cheat!
VILLICUR
Am
not.
THE
HERO
It’s
an Atomizer!
It destroys atoms!
Your force field is made of them!
VILLICUR
But
what if it’s magic?
PANEL:
The
Hero is yelling, eyes closed and fists out, but her foot is slipping
off the edge of the spaceship.
THE
HERO
You
are
such
a
BUTT!
I
ca—woop.
PAGE
6
PANEL:
Jill
lays on the ground, having just fallen off the couch in their living
room. She’s curled herself into a ball, holding her head with a
toy gun near her. Jack is leaning over the side of the coffee table
he’s on, with their dad’s robe covering him.
JACK
OhmyGod!
Are
you okay?
PANEL:
Jill
is holding her head, with tears in her eyes, angrily looking up at
Jack.
JILL
I’m
telling Mom!
JACK
Telling
her what? That you don’t know how to look where you’re stepping?
PANEL:
Jill
is standing now, with an accusing finger pointing at Jack, who stands
on the table with hands in the air.
JILL
It’s
your fault, Jack!
JACK
What?!
How?!
PANEL:
Their
faces get closer to each other as they continue arguing.
JILL
It
wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t cheat!
JACK
I
didn’t cheat, Jill! You just hate losing! It’s not my fault you
have no ‘rifferal vision!
PANEL:
Their
faces get closer still. And progressively more angry.
JILL
I
have more ‘rifferals than you’ll ever have!
JACK
You’ll
also have less brain cells!
PANEL:
Jack
jumps down from the coffee table, tossing the robe on the couch as he
walks across the room with an angry look. Jill’s face mirrors his,
an accusing finger pointing at Jack as he walks away and a fist
pounding on the table.
JILL
Liar!
Girls have bigger brains! It’s science!
PANEL:
Jack
walks out of the room and marches towards the reader while Jill pokes
her head out from the threshold of the living room to get the last
word in from the background.
JILL
Like
atoms, Jack!
PANEL:
Jack
is sitting on his bed, and has stopped playing with an action figure
he has in his hand to stare straight ahead with the same grumpy look
he had before. Jill is heard from somewhere in the house, behind his
closed door.
JILL
SCIIIIIIEEEEEENCE!
PAGE
7
PANEL:
Jill
is angrily having a tea party with her stuffed animals around a small
plastic table, looking straight ahead.
PANEL:
Jack
is angrily playing with cars, looking straight ahead.
PANEL:
Jill
is taking muffins out of her toy oven, wearing apron and oven mitts,
still angry but looking down at her handiwork.
PANEL:
Jack
is watching TV, still angry but seeming a bit more focused.
PANEL:
Jill
is brushing her doll’s hair, with an indifferent look.
PANEL:
Jack
is playing video games on the same TV, with an indifferent look.
PANEL:
Jill
is snapping Legos together, building some unidentifiable creation
with focus, tongue out of the mouth. You can see Jack in the
background coloring at the dinner table.
PANEL:
Jack
is coloring at the dinner table with a look of focus, tongue out of
the mouth. You can see Jill in the background playing with Legos.
PANEL:
Jack
looks over to his left.
PANEL:
A
large cardboard box sits on its side in the other room.
PANEL:
Jack
sits on the side of the chair, his focus on the box. Jill is in the
foreground, walking over towards it, and tossing a Lego behind her
without emotion.
JACK
You
wanna go play with that box?
JILL
Sure,
okay.
PAGE
8
PANEL:
The
kids tower over the tipped-over box.
JILL
Is
this what the refi—
The
refiji—
Is
this what the fridge came in?
PANEL:
Jack
is putting the box upright so they can climb in. The box is wide
enough for them both to fit.
JACK
Yup.
JILL
Whatta
you wanna do with it?
PANEL:
Jack
is looking into it, both hands holding the edges of the box. Jill is
smiling in the background, hugging her pink purse.
JACK
I
dunno, whatever we want, I guess.
JILL
You
wanna do another space adventure?
PANEL:
Jack
looks over his shoulder at Jill. He has a furrowed brow and an
inquiring look.
JACK
Oh
come on, again?
JILL
You
ruined the last one with “magic”.
I want a do-over.
JACK
What’s
wrong with magic?!
PANEL:
Jill
has walked up to the box next to Jack. Jack looks ahead with an
insightful but annoyed look.
JILL
Magic
has no place in science-fiction, Jack. They don’t make
“magic-fiction stories”, they make “fantasy”. And last time
I checked, you have a hard time dealing with “fantasy”.
JACK
If
centaurs have two ribcages then they must have like, four lungs,
right? How do they breathe?
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill climb inside the box, each take a side of flaps that close
it. They look at each other as they close the box. Jack rolls his
eyes.
JILL
Can
we do a space adventure where we’re on the same side? So there’s
no confusion over the word “reality”?
JACK
Fine.
PAGE
9
PANEL:
A
black panel, showing nothing.
JACK
Ready?
PANEL:
Little
round lights in different colors cut through the darkness.
JACK
Lights!
PANEL:
The
same shot as the last panel, but now the lights have come on. Jack
and Jill are in a cockpit, both smiling. Jack is in front of the
control panel, the little round lights are buttons. He grips the
throttle to the spaceship. Both Jack and Jill are wearing spacesuits
and helmets with visors.
JACK
Ignition!
PANEL:
A
spaceship leaves Earth, shooting out towards the stars. It’s small
in stature, slightly bigger than a cardboard box.
JACK
Liftoff!
PANEL:
The
ship zips around asteroids at a cartoonish rate, making movements no
actual ship could make.
JILL
Watch
out for the asteroids!
JACK
Don’t
worry! I’m a veterinarian of war! I’ve flown worse than this!
PAGE
10
PANEL:
The
ship flies towards an alien world. Moons float nearby.
JILL
Set
course for that thing over there!
JACK
Roger!
PANEL:
The
front of the ship burns up in the atmosphere upon entry.
JACK
Oh
no!
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill are in the cockpit, Jack gripping the throttle. Jill is
behind him with her hands raised straight in the air in distress, out
of her seat, but both of them are smiling wide.
JILL
What
is it?!
JACK
The
compass collider column compressor is broke!
JILL
Oh
no!
PANEL:
The
ship plummets towards an open alien field, lush with grass and
strange-looking trees. Smoke trails behind the rocket.
JACK
Prepare
for crash landing!
PANEL:
The
ship crashes into the field. The ship kicks-up dirt and digs itself
deep into the ground.
PAGE
11
PANEL:
The
top of the rocket opens like the cardboard box does with a kick from
a spaceman’s leg. (It’s Jack.)
PANEL:
Jack
stands up, basking in the alien sun, fists on his hips and his helmet
still on. He has a look of accomplishment and vigor on his face.
Jill stands up, one hand holding herself up on the spaceship and
another hand on her butt.
JACK
Ah,
yes.
Today
is a great day for adventure. Eh, Jill?
JILL
That
actually kinda hurt my butt.
PANEL:
Jill
takes off her helmet and looks at the landscape they’ve crashed on,
squinting. Jack stares in the same direction he has been, same pose
and everything.
JACK
Adventure
awaits us! All kinds of peril lies before our path to the alien
overlord’s palace!
JILL
Waitaminute…
PANEL:
Jack
stands the same. Jill knocks on the side of the rocket with her
fist. It makes a metallic thud.
JACK
But
in return for toppling his evil regime: Riches!
Riches beyond all imagining!
PANEL:
Jill,
still hunched over and inspecting the rocket, looks in Jack’s
direction and calls to him. Jack has his arms in the air,
monologuing to no one in particular.
JILL
Jack.
JACK
We
will have the wealth of kings! (And queens.) We will be the heroes
of civilizations!
PANEL:
Same
angle as the last panel. Jack is still monologuing with different
hand gestures.
JACK
They’ll
build statues in our hon—
JILL
Jack!
PAGE
12
PANEL:
Jack
turns toward Jill with his hands in the air.
JACK
What?!
JILL
Take
a look at this.
PANEL:
Jack
is just sort of looking down at Jill, not exactly sure what she’s
trying to get at.
JACK
It’s
a rocketship.
JILL
Take
off your space
helmet
and look at this.
PANEL:
Jack
takes off his space helmet with a blank stare, still not
understanding what Jill’s intent is.
PANEL:
Jill
squints her eyes at Jack, a little ticked that he’s still not
getting it.
JILL
Jack,
when we got in the box, you didn’t bring
a space helmet with you.
PANEL:
Jack
has the same expression as before, staring at Jill, but with wide
eyes.
PANEL:
The
kids are in the cockpit of the rocketship now, frantically pressing
buttons.
JACK
Quick,
how do we start this thing?!
JILL
You
were the one flying it!
JACK
It
was flying when we got in the box!
PANEL:
Jack
sits in the pilot’s seat, blankly staring forward, eyes wide. Jill
continues looking for a way to get the rocket to move.
JILL
Can’t
you figure it out?! Shouldn’t these buttons do something?
JACK
Maybe
the rocket’s broken.
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill are close to each other’s faces, argumentative.
JILL
You’re
the one who crashed it!
JACK
I
HAD
TO, JILL! YOU CAN’T START A STORY WITHOUT CONFLICT!
PAGE
13
PANEL:
Jack
collapses into the pilot’s seat, exhausted and out of hope. Jill
holds up her pink purse and looks at it with a big smile.
JACK
It’s
useless! We’re never gonna see home again! We’ll have to live
out in the alien wilderness with nothing to eat! We’ll have to
find that stuff mom always says we’re going to have to feed
ourselves with when we’re older. Those Welfare Chex.
JILL
Wait!
I brought my satchel!
PANEL:
Jack
has run up towards Jill and looks at her with a big smile, hunched
over and hands out as if waiting for a rescue plan. Jill still looks
at her purse with a smile, facing Jack.
JACK
Your
purse?
JILL
It’s
a satchel. Don’t let the color fool you.
JACK
Does
it have a key to start the ship?!
PANEL:
Jack
holds the same position: hands out, hunched over, looking at Jill,
but without a smile. Jill still looks at her purse.
JILL
No,
but I brought the water pistol in case of danger and granola bars in
case we got…
PANEL:
Jill
looks at Jack without a smile. Jack still holds the same position,
but frowns angrily.
JILL
…hungry…
PANEL:
Jack
smacks the purse out of Jill’s hands, and both stare at each other
with the same look of disdain.
PAGE
14
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill are climbing over the opening of the rocketship, watching
their footing. Jill has her pink purse slung over her shoulder.
They don’t notice the silhouettes holding large alien guns in the
foreground.
JACK
We
need to search our surroundings, make sure we’re not in any kind
of—
PANEL:
A
horde (of about 20. That’s a horde, right?) of vicious humanoid
aliens point their weapons at the kids. Jack and Jill have frozen
themselves in fear while looking at the alien race.
JACK
Danger…
PANEL:
The
kids have fearful looks on their faces, their eyes wide, shivering.
JILL
I
think there’s danger, Jack.
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill tumble as they’re tossed down to a stone-tile ground. The
feet of the horde blocks any background.
JACK
Oof!
JILL
Gah!
PANEL:
The
kids look up from the ground in amazement and fear.
THE
CONQUERER
Ah.
So this is them.
PAGE
15
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill lift their heads from the ground, to see the king of the
alien race on his throne. The throne room is small, dark, and
seemingly built with a mix of metal and stone. The king is bigger
than the rest of the aliens, with sharper teeth. He rests his mighty
head on his fist, his elbow resting on the arms of his throne. He
smirks at the children.
THE
CONQUERER
The
aliens.
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill slowly get up from the ground and look up at the mighty
figure which sits before them. The Conquerer has a hand out
explainingly.
JACK
Ar—Aren’t
you guys the, um… aliens?
THE
CONQUERER
What?
Of course not. This is our
planet.
I
mean, after we conquered it from the lowly lifeforms, that is.
Speaking of which—
PANEL:
The
Conquerer claps his hands and a lowly, round-headed, cute lifeform
runs out from a nearby threshold with a big book. This lifeform is
tired, beaten, and dressed in rags.
THE
CONQUERER
Marzett!
Do
we have an open booking for an execution today?
MARZETT
The
schedule is right here, Mr. The Conquerer.
PANEL:
The
book is open on The Conquerer’s lap. He has a hand on an open page
and a finger pointed at the kids.
THE
CONQUERER
Thank
you, Marzett. Oh, yeah. That’s me, by the way. The Conquerer. I
forgot to ask, who are you?
PANEL:
The
Conquerer closes his eyes and waves his hand at the kids as he turn
his head toward the book. Jack points a thumb at himself and
gestures a hand towards Jill, who cowers a bit behind Jack.
JACK
I’m—
THE
CONQUERER
Waitwaitwait.
Never mind. I don’t wanna get attached or nothin’.
Ah.
Here we go…
PANEL:
The
Conquerer looks giddy as he closes the book with a mighty hand and
points to the sky with another.
THE
CONQUERER
There’s
an opening right now!
PAGE
16
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill stand on a stage attached to the giant alien castle in front
of a crowd of the “lower lifeforms”, all of which are dressed
like peasants. They are on the far left of the stage with Marzett,
who’s mopping the area. The Conquerer is standing on the far right
with his hands in the air excitedly. A group of his troops stand
with him.
THE
CONQUERER
My
people!
JILL
This
is stupid. You’re stupid. This is your fault.
PANEL:
The
Conquerer is standing in the foreground towards the crowd of
lifeforms, still with his hands in the air. Jill stands next to
Jack, looking angry. Jack just sort of looks indifferent. They both
watch The Conquerer make his speech.
THE
CONQUERER
And
also slaves!
JILL
You
crashed the ship. You wanted to play with the box!
JACK
I
know.
JILL
You—
PANEL:
Jill
turns to Jack with an inquiring look. Jack still just looks ahead.
JILL
Huh?
JACK
For
what little time it’s worth, I’m sorry.
PANEL:
The
Conquerer speaks to his subjects off-panel. We see the reactions
from the lifeforms The Conquerer and his minions have, well,
conquered. They all have unimpressed looks upon their faces, with
obvious resentment towards The Conquerer.
THE
CONQUERER
Today
we destroy invaders of our homelands!
PANEL:
Back
to The Conquerer yelling his speech out over the crowd of lifeforms.
JILL
…It’s
okay. I Love you, bro.
JACK
Love
you, too, sis.
PANEL:
The
Conquerer reaches under a rag that covers a large object being held
by one of The Conquerer’s minions.
THE
CONQUERER
I
would give a much bigger speech but honestly I’m pretty excited to
shoot some stuff with my new ultimate weapon:
PANEL:
The
Conquerer flings the rag into the sky behind him as he holds up a
large deadly-looking gun.
THE
CONQUERER
The
Molekiller!
PANEL:
Jill
holds her hands out in front of her, raised eyebrows, trying to
explain the situation. Jack gulps with wide eyes. Marzett continues
mopping behind them.
JILL
But
wait! We’re not moles!
MARZETT
Nonono,
it’s like “molecule” and “killer” combined. He thinks it’s
clever.
PANEL:
Marzett
walks away from behind the kids, dragging the mop with him. You can
now see he was mopping up blue splotches on the ground. The kids
stand in a flinching pose as The Conquerer aims The Molekiller with a
smile ahead of them.
MARZETT
If
he asks you if you think it’s clever before he kills you, say
“Yes.” He likes it.
PAGE
17
PANEL:
A
giant red and orange beam is fired from The Molekiller. The jolt
pushes back The Conquerer a bit.
VO
BOX
And
the shot was heard across the great plains of the world.
PANEL:
The
beam of light makes its way towards the kids at great speed. They
have their hands up defensively, eyes shut tight. Marzett covers his
eyes while standing up against the wall.
VO
BOX
The
fire erupted towards our heroes.
PANEL:
A
close-up of Jack’s eye shut tight. The red glow from The
Molekiller’s beam shines across his face.
VO
BOX
And
all was lost.
PANEL:
A
black panel showing nothing.
VO
BOX
The
End.
PANEL:
A
close-up of Jack’s eye opened wide. A pink glow shines across his
face.
VO
BOX
Except
no.
PANEL:
Jack
has his arms up wide in the air, his hands making fists. He has a
look of astonishment and surprise on his face. Smoke makes its way
around the pink bubble forming around him and Jill.
VO
BOX
Because
Jack has a force field!
PAGE
18
PANEL:
Jack
has his arms and legs spread wide apart, making an X. Jill is on her
hands and knees next to him, looking up in astonishment. A big, pink
bubble protects them. Smoke curls around the bubble.
JILL
Oh
my God!
JACK
Dude!
PANEL:
The
Conquerer has The Molekiller down by his side, an arm up covering his
chest, almost as if he himself was flinching from the shot. He
shouts with a look of surprise.
THE
CONQUERER
What
the heck is that?!
PANEL:
Jack
still has his arms in the air. He yells with a full smile and wide
eyes. Tears stream down his face.
JACK
It’s
a force field!
PANEL:
The
Conquerer motions one hand at The Molekiller he holds in his other
with furrowed brows, acting as if he’d been cheated.
THE
CONQUERER
But—
Come
on!
It’s a “Molecule
Killer”!
Your force field has
to be made of them! It’s science!
PANEL:
Jack
still has his fists in the air, the pink bubble still protecting both
him and Jill. Jill is still on her knees and points an angry finger
at The Conquerer who’s out of the frame.
JILL
It’s
magic, you butt!
JACK
Quick,
Jill! I don’t know how long I can hold this thing up! We need an
escape!
PANEL:
Jill
digs frantically in her pink purse.
JILL
I
don’t have anything, man! All I got is this—
PANEL:
Jill
takes out an impossibly large raygun, which couldn’t have fit into
her purse by any actual standards. She looks at the gun in her hand
with wide eyes.
JILL
Squirt
gun?
PANEL:
Jill
cradles the raygun in her hands, trying to comprehend how it
manifested. Jack, still holding up the force field, yells with eyes
angry and wide in The Conquerer’s direction.
JILL
How
did—?
JACK
FIRE!
PANEL:
Jill
fires wildly into a crowd of minions, eviscerating a lot of them.
The rest begin to run away in fear, as does Marzett, from the other
direction.
PANEL:
Jack’s
force field disappears as he grabs Jill with one arm and starts
running the same way Marzett went. Jill is still firing away wildly
behind them with a big, laughing smile.
PANEL:
The
Conquerer grabs one of his minions as they pass by him by the collar
and yells to the rest, angrily.
THE
CONQUERER
No!
Don’t run, you fools! Get them!
PANEL:
A
lower lifeform stands upon a rock, a mighty fist in the air, shouting
to the fleeing crowd of his own species.
LIFEFORM
No!
Don’t run, you fools!
PANEL:
The
lifeform points a finger at the minions standing at the castle gates.
LIFEFORM
Get
them!
PAGE
19
PANEL:
Jack
runs ahead of Jill down a castle hallway, holding Jill’s hand.
JILL
Where
are we?!
JACK
You
think I have a map of this place or something?! Quick! This way!
PANEL:
The
kids stand in the threshold of a giant room. In the center is a
great pillar of light, with a bright, glowing orb in the center.
JILL
What
is that?!
JACK
I
don’t know, but shoot it!
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill yell frantically in each other’s faces. Jack grips Jill
by the shoulders, bent down to her level and slightly shaking her.
JILL
Why?!
JACK
Because
I
don’t
know
what
else
to
do!
PANEL:
The
kids turn around to see The Conquerer and his minions charging down
the hallway, but a crowd of lower lifeforms are beating up the
minions in the back of his group.
JACK
Hurry!
They’re coming!
PANEL:
Jill
screams and fires wildly with her new raygun.
JILL
AAAAAAAAAH!
PANEL:
The
shots are fired into the big, glowing orb. Fire and electricity
shoots from the holes Jill has put into it. Mini explosions happen
throughout the room and bits of the ceiling start to fall down as the
whole castle trembles.
PANEL:
One
of the Conquerer’s minions, dressed in scientific goggles and a lab
coat, grips the side of his head with both hands.
CONQUERER
MINION
No!
not the compass collider column compressor!
PANEL:
Jack
raises one brow, processing what he just heard. Jill runs off behind
him with one arm waving, trying to get Jack’s attention.
JACK
That’s
a thing?
JILL
Jack!
this way!
PANEL:
The
rocketship the kids came in on is on scaffolding with scientific
equipment and machines laying around it. It sits in the light of a
large castle window. Jack and Jill run towards it while bigger
chunks of the castle come crashing to the ground.
JILL
They
brought our ship!
JACK
Get
in!
PANEL:
The
kids frantically slap at buttons in the cockpit while the whole ship
rumbles.
JILL
We
still don’t know how to start it!
JACK
Just
press whatever looks important!
PANEL:
The
compass collider column compressor explodes, erupting light
throughout the room.
PANEL:
The
Conquerer and his minions flinch while light encompasses them.
PANEL:
The
rocketship is propelled out of the castle window by the explosion,
gliding sideways and headed towards the ground, still inoperable.
JACK
& JILL
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA—
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill tip over the cardboard box, tumbling out into their living
room and at the feet of a parental figure in dress shoes and khakis.
They are no longer wearing spacesuits, but the clothing they were
when they got into the box.
JACK
& JILL
—AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
PAGE
20
PANEL:
The
kids look up from the ground with wide eyes. Eyes that has seen some
serious stuff. That 1000-yard-stare type of stuff.
PANEL:
Jack
and Jill’s father stands with hands on his hips. Smiling and
looking down at his two kids.
DAD
What’re
you two goofballs doing?
PANEL:
The
kids jump up and start yelling incomprehensible things. A mixture of
everything they’ve seen.
PANEL:
A
small panel of the dad still looking down at his kids, smiling.
PANEL:
A
small panel of the dad still looking down at his kids, smiling
slightly less.
PANEL:
A
small panel of the dad still looking down at his kids, without a
smile, like he’s getting a little bored.
PANEL:
Jack
still has his arms up in the air, standing on one foot, as he watches
his dad walk away. Jill has a similar wild expression.
JILL
—and
there was so
much gore!
And—
DAD
Sounds
like you guys had a fun day!
PANEL:
The
kids watch their dad walk into the kitchen and open up the new
fridge.
PANEL:
Jack
looks over towards Jill, but to no one in particular, while Jill
speaks directly at him. They both have very tired eyes.
JACK
He
doesn’t believe us.
JILL
Would
you?!
PANEL:
From
the perspective of inside the box, the viewer looks up at the kids as
they peer inside.
JACK
Man…
PANEL:
Back
on the alien world, the lower lifeforms build giant stone statues of
Jack and Jill in heroic poses. The Conquerer’s castle lies in the
background off to the side with a giant hole coming from the top.
Lifeforms hold tools and blueprints, pointing at the statues of their
mighty saviors. Multiple moons hang in the sky during the day.
JACK
[VO
BOX]
…What
the heck is this thing?
TO
BE CONTINUED…
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