"I ever tell you 'bout that time I was at the party where those guys took everyone hostage?"
"No."
"With the police standoff?"
"...No."
"So I hung out in this housing project a lot when I was a teenager. With a bunch of friends of mine who just, y'know drank and smoked and we, y'know, we were real shitty teenagers and the people that paid the fuckin' rent were this group of tweakers who were always just staying upstairs and walled themselves off and just smoked meth like all the fucking time. And I mean they didn't even give a shit what was going on in the apartment.
"Well one party we had, we had a buddy named Chongo who invited a couple friends. And Chongo was a serious OG. In, like-- this guy had gotten into shit so fuckin' deep to the point where he had serious fuckin' issues with PTSD. Like this guy would wake up in the middle of the fucking night-- and he would always just be crashing downstairs with us because this was just a space he found where he could go to sleep-- and when he would wake up the fucking night he would have these violent fucking night terrors, right? Like he would grab people and shit and we would have to hold him down like y'know, stuff like that.
"Well the worst one was when he was on the fuckin' upper story and he just woke up and just started fucking shrieking. And he just ripped the fucking window open and was trying to dive out of it. And it was me and like three other dudes just fucking trying to like hold this guy down until he fucking finally like 'came to'.
"But anyway so he invites a couple of his friends that he knows from that. Y'know what I mean? Like we didn't even draw the fucking connection it was just from that lifestyle. So like immediately when they show up we have an issue with them. They're like... puffin' out their fuckin' chest, givin' us fuckin' shit... like, sexually harassing our girlfriends, yknow? Like every fucking like 'Jesus-Christ-throw-this-guy-out-of-the-fucking-house' box is checked. And they ended up fucking moving on to the house next door that was an even bigger meth house and got real drunk there.
"Everybody that I was staying with went over to that apartment just to see what was going on 'cause there was noise over there like 'What the fuck was happening?' I stayed with a buddy of mine and just shot the shit. Eventually we hear like a lot of fucking fighting and a lot on commotion over there so I was like, 'Shit I'm gonna check this out,' right? So I go in there, open up the door and it's like this massive fucking group of people are holding like... they're getting held hostage by Chongo and his friends, right? And it looks like they've got fuckin' guns.
"So I walk up into the middle of it to try and figure out what the hell is going on because I like, rely on the place for sleep a lot. And I wanted to make sure that some shit wasn't going to go down that was gonna get them evicted. 'Cause now that's like one less couch that I can crash on. I walk into the middle of it an' I just go 'Dude, what the hell is--' and before I can even fucking finish, the guy fucking straight-swings, knocks me the fuck out, dude. Like, big fucking dude, I am down immediately and I wake up. I guess my buddies had somehow carried me upstairs? Instead of just carrying me outside the fucking house? I wake up upstairs in that apartment. Just like, 'What the fuck?! What the hell is going on?!' And they just, y'know, let me know that I had just been knocked out and they drug me upstairs.
"So after that happened apparently that guy broke free and went into the other house, and was armed, and started like, pointing his gun at people. And then grabbed one friend of mine and drug her upstairs. You remember Gert, right? Yeah, that was Gert! Like, drug her upstairs for the hostage situation and and was like, 'Shit, who's going to give me the most leverage? The White woman!'
"So I heard that shit happened and immediately raced over to that house because my girlfriend (at the time) was there, too. And I was like 'How are we gonna get outta here?' And I looked out the peephole at the back and even though I was seeing the cop plates I couldn't see any cop cars or anything like that so I was just like 'Okay. I think we can actually make this. I really think we can fuckin' make this. I think we can burst out of this fucking door and if we like really commit to just running away from the situation, we can get away from this before it escalates,' right? And she agreed. So I fucking burst through the fucking door, and I sprint out to the fucking sidewalk and I just hear 'FREEZE!' and I was just like 'Nope not happening' and just started going. Like I grab the rails to the stairs, I'm like sliding down them-- like two fat-ass sets of steps and was gone and ran across the entire thing before I think, like, 'I'm not hearing any footsteps behind me. Where's my girlfriend?' And she had stopped immediately. So what had happened was I had run out of the apartment with her, they had only seen her, and then they arrested her. Yeah. Totally got laid again by that individual. At that point of partying I had lost my boots and my shirt."
"Was it like the summer?"
"Eh, not enough summer to excuse me losing that. It was like now (beginning of spring)."
"So what then?"
"Well I walked around the entire fuckin' complex and then back thinking I could just be drunk and confident enough to pull it off. And I see a fuckin' flashlight. And I'm like 'Ah, fuck. It's a cop. Whatever, I'm gonna see if I can play it cool,' y'know, like tell him what I'm doin' right now and in my head what I'm doin' right now is I'm just fucking walking... around, y'know? With no shoes and no shirt and a little bit drunk but I don't have anything to do with what's going on down there, right?
"And so he brings the light up real fuckin' close to my face and says something that I can't really make out. Puts the light down and it's fuckin' Elwood. And this guy has been busting me for, like, for skating for the past like... I don't even know like five fuckin' years. At one point I saw him pull up in his fucking car when I was just skating and I decided that I was just gonna fuckin' run away and then he just showed up at my house like, 'Really? You know I know who you fuckin' are, right?'
"So I ended up talkin' with him and he's just lookin' down at me like 'Oh. Soooo how are you doing?' And I'm just like 'I'm fine. I'm just going for a walk. At night. As I do.' And he's like 'With no shoes?' And I'm just 'Yeah, no. I just really like to feel the ground under my feet. And no shirt. I just really love to feel everything just so much.' That's what I tried to play off to him, which was really bad in hindsight if I'm trying to convince the guy that I'm not just fucking trashed. But I think what probably happened was that he knew me and was just trying to let me off the hook."
"Trying to get you out of there."
"Trying to get me out of the fucking situation. And he was like, 'No problem, man. I can just walk you through here.' And so I walk down with him to check out what's going on and all my fuckin' friends have been taken out of both fuckin' apartments and they're lined up against the fence, with their hands cuffed, sitting criss-crossed, and a couple cops have guns pointed at them including my girlfriend. And there's a dude up there with his friends and one of my female friends literally pointing guns out the fucking window. And me and Ellwood walk through there, just kinda side-by-side while this whole thing was going on through the awe of all my friends."
"They give you shit later?"
"Oh of course. There's no not giving someone shit for not getting busted like that."
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